wow i dont write in this thing very often but today is a day where i really need to. i hate summers. yeah you all can think im crazy, but im always alone during the summer. i call my friends they say the will call me back they never do. i try to see my friends during the summer but they just blow me off. my own best friend (Sarah) doesnt even talk to me anymore for god knows what reason. i thought we were friends and now i dont even hear from her. i feel like im abandoned and no one out there cares about me. i need some of my friends to know that i may not be talking to them much anymore because i will do what it seems everyone wants me to do. and that is to leave them alone and so i will just so they will be happy. Sarah if u read this im sorry but i feel like u arent even my friend anymore ues i know u have problems in your life but im here to help ALWAYS and you know that but u dont even come to me anymore and i dont have the strength to sit here and watch my friends fade away so ill be the one fading this time. so im outtie if u ever want to talk to me just message me but i will no longer be going to other people to talk.


Love Michelle


ILL MISS YOU ALL.

It was 10:17 p.m. on October 16, 2000, it was a cold and rainy nigh//t. I was up waiting for my sister to get home like I did every night when she goes to leave somewhere. I heard the doorbell ring and got up because I thought it was her and that she had forgotten her house key. So first I went to the backdoor and she wasn’t there and I wasn’t aloud to open the front door that late at night so I ran downstairs and woke up my parents. We all went upstairs and my mother opened the door and there were two cops standing there a State Police and a Coroner. They asked my mom if they could come in and as she said yes my niece (Makayla, my sister’s nine month old daughter) began crying so I went into my sister’s (Thea) room to get her. I picked her up and took her back into the Family room where my mom and the Coroner were sitting on the couch and my dad and the Police officer were standing so I sat in the rocking chair and sat Makayla in my lap. The Coroner was asking my parent’s questions about what my sister had done all day or if she had car trouble or anything like that. My mom saw the license on the Coroners clip board and took it from him and looked at the picture and saw my sister’s face. They needed to make sure they were at the right place because she had my dad’s Missouri license plates on the car but she had an Illinois Drivers license. So when they knew we were her family, they started to tell us what they thought happened and how she died and how the accident occurred. At that moment they told my parents that someone needed to come and identify her so my dad went. While they were gone my mom called almost everyone in the family and told them. While she was doing this I sat on the floor staring at her license crying. I just couldn’t believe that it had happened. When they came back the Coroner asked my parents what they wanted to donate. They donated everything but her eyes, and her Liver and Kidneys because she died instantly and had no Oxygen. Before he left he asked my parents if wanted the Police Chaplain to come out and talk to us but my parents turned him down because they just wanted to be left alone. I went to bed and cried myself asleep while my dad’s parents came and helped my mom and dad. The next morning we headed to Illinois for the Funeral and Visitation.

Im sick of being hurt so im going to stop loving. everytime i show my family, friends ,or boyfriend that i love them i end up getting hurt so im just not gonna love anymore. its a new feeling and emotion and ive always put my friends before myself but if i keep doing that i may not be happy anymore. i put on a smile everyday so i keep my friends happy but once i go home i cry the rest of the night just to let out all my hurt, anger, and frustration. im not sure how this is gonna work because i never done this before but we are gonna try it and if it doesnt work out then i will be becoming a new person from anything any of my friends have ever seen before. yes i love all my friends more then they know but one of them keeps hurting me over and over again and i cant take it. everytime we talk i end up crying because of his words or actions. Sarah, mark ,heith, stephen, Al, Lance, Josh, and the rest of my friends i care about more then life i am terribly sorry but things have to change or i will never so or speak to another one of you again.

Love,
Michelle