im just a bored guy and anything you want to know...just ask...i am very bored all the time so i dont mind you just sending me a random message........

in 1961, the first theft of a bike by a nigga took place. In 1987, it happened again, and took the world by storm.

Chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
 
It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.

The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.

The 11th commandment is “Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris” This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.

Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.

Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.

Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.

When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.

If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.

Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.

"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.

Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.

After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.

When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.

Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.

The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.

Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.

Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.

Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.

For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.

The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.

Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.

Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.

TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.

After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.

Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.

"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.

Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.

In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.

Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.

When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.

One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.

Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.

The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.